*** Really I should have just skipped sending a PM and posted this to Members Only for everyone to read, but as I've said before about my posting openly on CareCure, I don't relish the thought of another turn in the public stocks. ***
Maybe we just all hate one another as human beings. Maybe our feelings are so dark towards one another. Maybe, no matter what tragedies befall us, we look at one another and feel a secret contempt. Maybe we will always feel we have it worse because of our particular tragedies, and feel we know the sum total of reality is our private reality .... And maybe we have sides of ourselves that make us worthy of contempt, even when it's meted out for the wrong reasons .... Maybe, therefore, we have no right to protest, even when we are suspected and outright accused of things we are not doing, being or thinking, because one human being can never really know where another person's coming from. And seemingly many people are apt to make completely bogus judgments, but how are they to know for sure their judgments are bogus. Oh, how sad we have it!
I think some of you have paralyzed hearts; why don't you think up something nasty to say about that? I'm sure it will be terribly clever. Funnier than the clown suit and Yoko, even. Who knows why we human beings even try to communicate with one another, it seems so utterly desperate and pointless sometimes, and I don't even just mean here on the Internet. My phone number's XXX-XXX-XXXX and my real name's Siobanyan X. Yes, if you want to call me right now you can, because I really am a real human FEMALE person, and not a man in a clown suit in a basement.
On the 28th, it will be the two year anniversary of them calling me to say my brother was dead. You know, here complain that everyone from in-laws to research scientists to those who regulate parking spaces don't have any empathy about people or things that don't impact them directly. Well you know, those complaints are totally valid. Maybe those whose brothers are paralyzed can secure more parking in the week, and their brothers still live, and I can secretly still wish my brother was alive. I would be a really good sister to my brother. I would love him a lot.
But the next time you rage that someone is clueless or downright cruel about something outside of YOUR purview, I hope the people who accused and mocked me here will think of me and the way I was treated when I was in an absolutely desperate place.
I would rather have my brother here. If he was here he would be angry he was alive even if he was successful, because that's how he was, but I wish I could hold my brother tonight. All of us seem to have these unimaginable advantages to one another ... just look at any ordinary American vs. [Third World paraplegic #1, Third World paraplegic #2 who is even worse off ...].
We have so many successes to ourselves, able-bodied or not, can we not capitalize on these. They called me to say my brother was missing on the 15th, they called to say they found his body on the 28th.
Apparently is fine here to be thinking you're going to be paralyzed for years & years as long as that actually happens & you're posting form a chair, but if not, it's open season and ugliness?! I have not had those thoughts for a long time, but it's till stick in my mind how awful some on this forum were to me and I don't know what to say.
So.
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